Criminal Act
by Semper-F
Summary: Jess Left. What becomes of Rob after his depression over Jess leaving? ... NEW CHAPTER UP NO. 7! original pen name: lil barmaid
1. Criminals

I'm sleeping in this dump, its dark inside because of the black curtains. We didn't want to be found. This place smells of plastic and I barely found somewhere that's actually comfortable to sleep on.

My name WAS Robert Wilkins. I am now known as Richard Johnston sometimes also known as Steve Winston.

Nobody calls me Rob any more, mostly because I don't keep contact with them. Why you may ask? It all began when Jess left me…

_Flashback_

I woke up when I heard someone shouting loudly for someone to get out of the room. It was loud and it wasn't Jess.

It was this woman that I met in the bar; I was depressed over how Just-call-me Gary who took over my job looking over mum. Jess knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't bother to tell her. Wouldn't want her to bear my burden with me; she's got enough trouble in her life as it is.

This woman I met in the bar was different to Jess, she was more mature and wore clothes that barely covered her body. She came up and talk to me and I don't know why, but I just spilled out all my problems to her and she told me everything would be ok.

I was drunk and she was carrying me somewhere, don't know how she managed but I was in my room, on my bed with her, Naked. I was too sleepy to register what had happened, then all of a sudden, I heard Jess shouting and crying. She never cries wonder what's wrong.

"Rob, we're over. Why didn't you just dump me? Would've been a better choice."  
"I..." before I could answer, the door slammed leaving me with the woman from the bar.

I quickly got off the bed putting on my clothes on the way, following Jess to wherever she's going, but she doesn't listen to a thing I say when I catch up to her, she just left… Plus she didn't let anybody knows where she went.

_End of Flashback _

That's how I ended up to today…Working with James Bason, a criminal, who is wanted in more than 10 states and also my friend during the early stage ofmy childhood. Of course I don't do anything that would get me convicted if we were ever caught; I just help for him to get away or whatnot. I don't contact my mum or any of my other friends any more, incase I get them into trouble or more, I get caught along with my friend. My Only friend now.

The police know me as Richard Johnston, not Robert Wilkins. Hopefully they'll never find out my real name, I don't want totrouble my mother and I don't want her to know I onlyleft because my criminal friend phoned me up one day and I just decide to help him because I didn't see any points in staying without Jess.

Jim (James) usually stole jewellery and money from banks and didn't give a damn about killing anybody who tries to stop him. He'd stash the things he stole in different places and pick them up about a month after. That's how he worked, you may think the jewels would be found by others but it's hidden in secret locations so he's not afraid.

While he's stealing all those stuff, I'm sitting in a truck outside waiting for him and thinking about Jess, she's all I think about in my waking hours and when I'm asleep, I have dreams about her. I only use my other – Steve, if I were to go out with some chick to just keep my mind off Jess, but they never stood a chance; I dumped them before they got all that love crap on me. I didn't believe in love any more. Not ever since Jess left…

I'm desperate to find her, but there have been no traces, she could be half way around the world from me for all I know… I will find her one day…

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**How was it?Please, please pleaseREVIEW!You know you want to! It's only a click away!**


	2. Bullet wound

Thanks to **Nayclem, Suze Madison, Leash, Mean-girl123, Mediatorgrrl and Sophie** for reviewing So here's the next chapter. InJess's POV_

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Rob hasn't contacted me today, wonder what he's up to. So I got Mike to give me a lift to Rob house. I turned the door knob; it wasn't locked so I went in.  
_

_I checked the living room and the kitchen, he wasn't there, and so I proceed to go in his room. I quietly opened the door a bit and it was dimly lighted. I opened a bit more; I saw two bodies on the bed, Naked. Rob was one of them, with someone I've never seen before._

_I slammed the door open, the woman woke up and shouted at me to get out. Rob then woke and I ran out of his room; out of his house. He was after me but I didn't care, I was running like there's no tomorrow and I wouldn't let him explain, there's no need for it and felt thesomething claiming me and then_…

I woke up with sweat on my forehead, beside me was my alarm clock screaming at me to get up and the Sun was seriously shining in my eye through the window even though the curtain was closed. Shit. It was 10 am, Alex was coming over at 9am, he's gonna be terribly mad, but then again, probably not, knowing his attitude.

Before you ask who Alex is, NO, he is not my boyfriend. He's an FBI agent that is supposed to come and work with me on a case every Saturday. Though, once he got to know me, he came by A LOT more than that.

Now he'd probs be downstairs watching TV, waiting for me to get up. I quickly got dressed and saw that my predictions were true, he was there watching some show but I didn't really bothernotice what.

He heard me coming down the stairs and smiled at me.

"Don't even think about it" I said to him

"What? O, damn, forgot you could read minds…" Alex mumbled back

Yeah, my powers have grown a lot more since when I was first struck by lightening, but I won't bore you with the details. What I will do is tell you what he thought, he was thinking "Man, how long does Jess have to sleep for, maybe I should give her a lecture about punctuality."

What? Did you think that he liked me? As in love me? Well, maybe, but he knew I wasn't interested in having a boyfriend just now, perhaps never will be…

I sat down on the sofa in my house. Yes, I had a house; the FBI is paying the billsfor me. I had to move away from where Rob was so I made a deal with the FBI,I'd help them solve theircases, but in return, they'd have to move me and take me somewhere that hopefully nobody would find me.

I have probably solved over 150 cases that the FBI hasn't been able to solve ever since then; 5 long years. (A/N. She's 23 now and currently going to a college in California.) Mostly finding missing criminals for them so that Krantz can get highersalary but I'm not an official FBI agent; according to them, I was the assistant of an FBI agent. Whatever, more like the other way round to me.

Any way, I sat down at the sofa. Alex threw a big folder in front of me and I saw a name; James Bason with an unidentified partner. I quickly read through the profiles and saw that they haven't found the actual name for his partner in crime, but there was a picture of both of them. It says here that James have murdered over 34 people over the last 5 years and seriously injured 21.

I would find and catch both of them, one of the powers I developed 2 years ago was go to sleep, find the missing person then being able to track them no matter where they go and I can also tap inside their mind finding out their deepest secrets. James would probably have the death penalty and his partner would probably get probation for a long time.

After Alex and I talked for a while (about our lives and stuff), we went out for lunch and I pretty much did nothing elseduring the rest of the day. I went to sleep, and woke up the next morning. I knew where the criminals were.

I contacted Alex and told him where they were and he came by to pick me up in a FBI truck with a lot of other agents. Apparently, James Bason was a dangerous character. Dangerous, yeah right, and I'm a circus clown. I've grown a lot tougher and a lot of FBI agents fear me.

I tapped into James' mind and found out he was awake but keeping to where he was because he figured they he safe. Boy how wrong was he.

We parked the truck a few hundred metres from their hiding place and walked quietly up there, it was a deserted so if we make too much noise, they would know we were on to them. I busted in the place with a few other agents including Alex. The other agents went after James' partner while Alex and I were going after James. You see, after I 'accidentally' busted in loudly, they both ran for their lives.

The other agents got hold of his partner easily; it looks as if he wasn't as well prepared as James was. Alex ran after James and caught him, I was right behind him. Suddenly I heard people shouting, I turned back. His partner had escaped the agents. He came over and wrestled Alex onto the ground, Alex released his holdon Jamesand pinnedhis partnerwhile James took out his own and planned to shoot at Alex.

I ran towards Alex. James Bason saw me andturned his gun my way. He fired. I felt this wincing pain and felled on the ground in agony. I heard footsteps running away into the distance, it was probably James'. I felt the blood from my stomach pouring out like waterfall, I was losing blood rapidly.

The last thing I remember was two voices.

"Jess, Jessica Mastriani are you ok? Please answer me, god" That was Alex

"Mastriani? God Mastriani, is that seriously you? No way. Mastriani, I've looked for you this long, I don't wanna lose you again." The other voice said. Before I could register whoit belonged to, Ifell into the darkness that was claiming its victim and I'mnot caring where it takes me.

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So there, Jess got shot. Please Review and tell me how it was, you know you want to! 


	3. Interrogation

Thanks to Leash, Suze Madison(desesperado) and Mediatorgrrl for reviewing for all my chapters (well, only two so far, but I'll hopefully update sooner since as my peak month for homework is over. Also thanks to sing-to-the-stars and Spring rainfall for reviewing chapter 2.

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I pinned the man that attacked me to the ground and cuffed his hand. When I wondered where Jess was. I heard a gun shot nearby.

I looked around. There was Jess, lying on her back with her hand over her wound. There was blood around her; a lot of it. I also saw James, who was running away, but I didn't care about him and I let the rest of the FBI run after him while I rushed over to Jess.

I kneeled in the middle of the street and picked Jess' head on to my lap while using my free hand to dial for the ambulance on my phone. The guy who attacked me rushed over as well.

He was saying "Mastriani? God Mastriani, is that seriously you? Oh my god, no way. Mastriani, please tell me you're ok, I've looked for you this long, I don't wanna lose you again." I heard but did not listen.

The Ambulance came in what felt like years while Jess' blood sank into my shirt and trousers. They took her and the other FBI agents held me back; I wasn't allowed to go; I was to interrogate James Bason's partner.

I did what I was told and brought the man back to the FBI building and into the interrogation room, but not before the other agents promised me that I would hear about how Jess is doing as soon as she's out of the ER.

"Name, age and where do you live" I asked with a note pad on my hand but I wasn't concentrating much on it.

"Richard Johnson. 25, used to live in Indiana," he replied quietly seeming worried.

"Real name please, or else I'll have to get Jessica to identify you seeming as how you seem to know her" I said impatiently. There's no way I would actually ask Jess to come and meet the psycho especially since she just got shot, all because of stupid FBI wanting to find their petty criminals.

"Fine, the name is Rob Wilkins. How is Jess doing?" 'Rob' said. I still wasn't sure if it's his real name but decided to go along with it.

"We're not sure, but your partner shot her so why do you care so much? What is your relation to her?" I asked

No reply.

"Care to explain?" I asked again.

"My private life is none of your business and I don't think it's a question I'm required to answer," He replied rather lividly.

"True, I suppose I was just curious" I said calmly.

"You have no right to be curious about my social life so just do your job properly," he ranted on.

I was about to reply with a smart come back or something when my phone rang. I dropped my note pad and started fidgeting around my jacket 'till I found my phone and spoke into it.

"Agent Pracen speaking," I wasn't worried about who was on the end of the line, the only people that called me on my phone is my boss, my friends, Jess and the hospital that took Jess in.

"Alex Pracen?" the voice on the other end asked me.

"Yes, speaking" I replied, willing them to just get to the point.

"I am a doctor from xxx hospital that recently took Miss Jessica Mastriani in because she was shot by a bullet, two in fact. I've got good news and bad news, which one do you want first?" The doctor that was speaking seemed relatively calm so I think nothing bad had happened to Jess.

"Good news then please," I replied eagerly.

"Well, we got the bullet out from near her stomach and her heart, if the bullet was any closer, she would've died, she would probably wake up in a few hours," the doctor said and I sighed in relief.

"The Bad news is?" I asked even though I didn't want to know.

"Apparently she hit her head on something solid and hard, she is currently in coma, she might wake up tomorrow or in a weeks time, months or perhaps, Never."

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How was it? Review, you know you want to! -winks- 


	4. Probation

Thanks to **Suze Madison**, **Sing-to-the-stars**, **Riley**, **Levi Jennings**, **justcallmebubba** and **anonymous** person for reviewing Chapter 3, love ya all D

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Gunshot.

Bang.

Body collapsing.

Blood pouring.

Mastriani;

It's her lying on the cold rough road that has not been used for who knows how long, blood pouring out like mad and no knowing of when it'll stop. Whether she'll survive or die from the bullet shot by my friend Jim.

Me rushing.

Trying to wake her.

Desperation.

Anxiety.

Someone is by my side; Two of them. They escorted me away into their truck or car. I could not tell which. My eyes stayed on the sight of Mastriani. Her eyes that are usually wide and filled with emotion now disappeared. The ambulance arrived and carried her into it on stretcher. Everything seemed to have happened so fast. The car I was in drove off; Jess and I once again separated.

The interrogation was harsh; the man seemed to have known Jess well. I envied him but don't know why look at him with contempt. Maybe because I thought he wasn't good enough for Jess. I didn't care.

I was accompanied to my cell. It was dark and gloomy, I liked it. It suited my mood. The cell was relatively small but I never expected it to be a president suite in a hotel any way. I lay on the hard bed with barely any covers on it and began thinking about Jess.

What had happened to her since she ran away? How did she live? (Hopefully not like me living and traveling from dumps to dumps.) Where did she live now? How is she? Is she ever going to wake up from her deep sleep? I wish I could go and see her, but I wasn't allowed out of my cell.

I soon lose track of time but the FBI that interrogated me kept me updated. Agent Pracen; that was how I was supposed to address him.

One day went by after another while I sat on my bed in my cell behind bars of hard metal that can not easily be bent. I didn't have to sit behind these bars for much longer. I was going to be sent back to Indiana with probably lifetime probation. O, boy, not again…

My mum was glad to see me again, I could tell. She was angered by the fact I'd landed in trouble, again and in probation. She shouted at me most of that night but still made a delicious welcome home dinner.

I stuffed all the food on the table down my mouth as soon as I saw them. I couldn't resist, I was so hungry and the food they give you in the FBI isn't exactly edible in case any of you was wondering. I swear, I would never take food, or a bath and a nice home to live in for granted ever again.

I was so tired by the time I finished eating that I went straight to bed.

My room hasn't changed; it was exactly how I left it. I got into my bed. Even though it had been so many years since Jess and I slept together on this soft bed with red quilt cover. I could still sense her smell and spirit in this room. If only I could turn back time…

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I have a habit of leaving cliffies, hehe P but how else am I to get all you lovely reviewers to read on? Review appreciated! 


	5. Assignment

_ Thanks to **sing-to-the-stars**, **Mediatorgrrl**, **loLiPoP**, **the only -LGS-**,**helen-of-troy27**, **mel**, **sexydiamond123** and** XXdestinedXXforXXpainXX** for reviewing, love ya all

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Watching from afar, feel like you're there but not there, merely a spectator for what's about to happen. Somewhere in the hospital, a white room with a single rose in the vase beside the bed – dying, the colours of this flower turning brown and black. A patient on the bed, female. Looking like an Angel. You feel a sense of familiarity towards the patient. Everything was deathly quiet when suddenly there was a sharp alarm, someone shouting loudly then Doctors rushing into the room and towards the patient, nurses setting up equipments. The patient is dying, you want to do something but nobody hears your cry of despair, it was as though you weren't even there. Several minutes later, everything came to a halt, you didn't know what was happening – whether the patient lived or survived. You take a step towards the bed but then everything swirled around you and the hospital room disappeared with you falling into the darkness.

I sat up as I woke from the dream with sweat all over me, it felt real yet it's not. Suddenly realizing that it was Jess in the hospital room, it seems like a complete nightmare. Jess might die in what he may have seen as the future but then again, it could just be a dream, a good/bad one depending on the outcome of it all.  
"Not wanting to see it all stops you from getting all the information." That was what Jess told me. Some part of me in the dream knew it was Jess on the bed and hadn't wanted to see Jess die as I would have expected since the moment the doctors rushed into her room. I looked to the digital clock on the end table next to my bed; it said 3:25 am in bolding white. I dropped back down on to my pillow which was now wet with swear and continued my thoughts.

"Morning Alexander had a good night of sleep?" my friend and agent Luke Joy asked me. He liked calling me Alexander to piss me off and I've gotten used to it really.

"Yeah, brilliant," I replied, not bothering to correct him calling me Alexander to Alex.

"Right mate…" he said and made a face that he does when he doesn't believe what I say. "You look like a panda in those zoo and didn't tell me to call you Alex…" he trailed off.

"Few things on my mind I guess better get working, wouldn't want Krantz catching us skiving our jobs," I replied back cutting the conversation to an end and turned my head back into my work. I didn't have to look back in his direction to know that he's staring at me with an expression that said – Alexander Charlie Pracen, you are going to die after work. Death… Another thing that made me thinks about Jess. I wish I can see her teasing smile now, to see her raising her eyebrows when she doubted something I said, to hear her cheery voice again as well as her gentle peck on my cheek to tease me like she always does.

"Hey Pracen! One of the heads in the department wants to speak to you"

The head had obviously noticed that I had been very depressed since Jess was shot, that is exactly why I am currently sitting in the briefing room, listening about the new psychic that I will be working with. Another woman… who may end up getting shot like Jess did; in what seemed like 5 minutes ago had actually been 5 weeks - I blame myself for brining her on our missions. - During those times, I had sleepless nights so I often visited Jess in the hospital quarter of the FBI building. Daydreaming about Jess yet again. I sighed as the woman waved her hand in front of my face and snapped me back into the bitter reality. The head was a smallish; fat female that you will spot immediately is NOT a field agent. Sure she was kind enough but very strict and spoke with authority; she always has things done HER way whether her prey is willing to obey her commands or not.

She pushed the brownish yellow folder that held the information about my new partner towards me and I briefly opened and flicked through it. This woman is nothing like Jess. From all the info inside it, it showed that she was a spoiled person who still lived with her parents. She may be tall and slim with her just curly enough blonde hair, but she's annoying. She does badly at school, often involved in fights and riots that occasionally stirred the peace.

I pushed the file back towards her and gently shook my head, hoping that she'd understand that I still haven't gotten over Jess's accident that could've all been prevented if we didn't ask her to tag along. She looked into my eyes, gave me a sympathetic look for about a millisecond and turned it into a command that I had to obey. I rejected her still. Now she was Furious and shoved the file in my face and said  
"That's an order, if you choose not to obey it then please feel free to leave."

I clumsily put the file in my black leather suitcase. Normally I wouldn't care if I lost the job but now I won't be able to see Jess if I leave and I wouldn't let anyone keep us apart. Not ever. Especially not since that night about 10 months ago when she cried and told me of her problem, but never mentioned Robert Wilkin's name

I'm in the hospital now, watching her angelic face. On the end table beside her bed lay the rose I brought her about a week ago, almost dead with the colour red drained – turning black. I'm sitting on a chair next to her bed, feeling hazy and almost gave into the darkness that is desperate to claim me when I heard something clicking open, someone walking in and then the shouting…

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How was it? Press the review button! you know you want to P 


	6. Emergency

Oh my god, I'm so so so so so so sorry for this late update. Big Shout to **Ella (sexydiamond123)!!!** for urging me to update! Thank you to the following people for reviewing, I am so so... (you guys: yeah, we get the point) now the list drum roll : _SergeantLover91, helen-of-troy27, XXdestinedXXforXXpainXX, redfirexmeg, Love. Heals._ (Underline meaning they have reviewed more than once, thanks loads guys D)

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"NOOOOOOOoooooooooo!" Rob sat up rapidly, cold sweat running down from his forehead and he panted hard. I swiped his hand across his brow and saw blood… 

I closed his eyes and shook his head hard and fast then slowly reopened them. It was sweat, so why had it felt so sticky, so warm, so filled with the scents of blood that he was used to by now. Maybe it was just the guilt in my conscience – I had helped in all those crimes, and watched as those people died and the crimson blood running slowly away from the body. Maybe.

He sighed in relief.

It was all a dream. A dream – I told myself. The same scene that I had dreamt for the past month or so – night after night, I would just wake up, it was becoming some sort of habit that he just couldn't break. Jess being shot just about rightly shocked his inner core, the uncaring heart. However, there was something more in this dream; something so much more than invoked his feeling in a way I knew nothing else will ever do, this sense of protection, the way she reached inside me and grabbed my true self and kept it steady, I knew he would risk his life any day just to repay his debt.

Jess.

I relaxed myself back into my bed, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep for the rest of the night. I comforted himself in the imaginary warmth of Jess and that had settled down my racing mind. Then the guilt came into play, it was technically me that started this whole thing – most of the blame was on myself. I was the cause of all this chaos and he didn't know if he could live with this for the rest of his life. I had tried to see Jess, but I wasn't allowed, I've tried sneaking past the guard, tricking the guard and even trying to fight the guard to get past but none of this had worked. More of the men from the centre would just come to the security guard's rescue and I was usually outnumbered. There was this one time that snobby agent – Present or Tracent or something like that, whom came out, looking pale, completely ghostly white and greeted me as nicely as he could but I knew we'll never get on. I asked him about Jess, not caring if he doesn't tell me, I'll just introduce my fist to his face – don't bloody well care that I get arrested for assaulting a federal agent.

"She's not wakened yet, we don't know anything" was his reply to my surprise. Here they were, with the supposedly high tech info on injuries and can heal any one within a matter of days telling me that they haven't a single clue on what'll happen to Jess. I was full of anger and wish that I could just take her somewhere and just die together or something. Although, she probably hates me too much to want it to end her life that way… in the warmth of someone who she hates… without all the excitement and not going out with a bang… Pun not intended there, don't think she expected that she was going to get shot…

I looked across my room where an analog clock was with gold circumference that my mother had bought for me who knows how long ago. The letters and the hands of the clock were translucent; it clearly showed me the time: 12:45… 12:45? I went to sleep at 2:13 am… shit! I jumped out of my bed and quickly got dressed. It was about 1 PM (!!!) by the time I got ready. Shit, late as usual… really need to work on how long I sleep or… GET TO BED EARLIER IF MY FRIGGING BOSS WOULD GIVE ME A BREAK AND STOP WATCHING OVER ME WHILE I'M DOING MY WORK JUST BECAUSE I'M ON PROBATION! I'M NOT A SHOW PUPPET FOR LOOKING AT! Seriously, my boss is a FEMALE, not that I have anything against them but YOU try WORKING when a bunch of females STARE at you AND DROOLS behind you! Like stupid idiotic love puppies… When I tell them off, the boss gets official with me and tells me that I haven't done any freaking work… I WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? Yeah, not mine.

Besides, I also have a meeting with Alex the law enforcer, the meeting's just gonna have to held later than our appointment time because there's no way my boss is gonna let me out early… should consider getting another job…

- At Work –

"Late Mr. Wilkins but of course that's no problem," argh, that can seriously blind people. She was honestly bright orange or as Rob has always called her - 'Pumpkin number 1' "Sorry Ma'am, I won't do it again"

"No worries Mr. Wilkins," she practically cooed, she is like 42 or something ok? You try watching a supposedly meant to be sensible adult dressing herself in a bright red mini skirt and tight shirt – showing all her wrinkles no less. "Also, no need to call me ma'am, just call me Millie" what is she? 5?

"I have a meeting with Agent Pracen so can I leave early?" I asked her, already knowing the answer but it doesn't hurt to try.

"Most certainly not," she giggled… yeah, GIGGLED! "You will work to your full time, that's what we're paying you for" Damn her.

"But this is a meeting with a FBI agent, I can't be late" I pushed down the anger.

"I'm sure he won't mind that you're late and the reason was that you're at work"

"You know what?" I said loudly, the stupid anger problem but I don't really care? "I quit, I'm sick of this job – a man working at the babies department of a shop! How bloody ridiculous and I can't even get away early OR try to work without you oranges disturbing me."

"What?" She said, taken aback – serious for the first time.

"I QUIT," I said and walked out of the shop.

Damn, that felt good – but now I'm outta work… what am I gonna do for a living? My mother's probably gonna give me a lecture on responsibility blah blah blah.

Suddenly, a shocking pain filled my body, like thousands of sharp needles digging into me, then I felt like I'd been ran over by a truck, my heart pumped rapidly, I couldn't breathe. This unexpected pain had me clutching my stomach with my right hand and my head with my left. My phone began to ring but I couldn't reach my hands out to pick the phone up let alone answer it. In the end, don't ask me how, I managed.

"Hello?" I said painfully.

"Wilkins?" The voice from the end of the phone said urgently. A voice that alarmed me.

"Yes, what's up?" I could barely answer, my breath is cut short every time I tried to do something.

"It's… it's… it's Jess…" he panted hard…

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Sorry guys (yet again) I know I'm suspending on one moment buy I thought some people might have liked to know what Rob was doing and as to how connected he may be with our lovely Jess, but Alex is also so sweet (finds it hard to decide if I want Jess and Rob together or Jess and Alex) hehe P NOW CLICK THAT REVIEW BUTTON, you know you want to -winks- 

Thanks to All and thanks for supporting me


	7. Memories

The utmost gratitude to those who haven't given up on me - I agree I'm lazy but here's the next one dedicated to all of you that stayed with me ;)

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The Nurse had been on her daily rounds to check on the patients, it usually just passes by so quickly you don't even remember the nurse ever being there. However, this time it all went wrong. The machine beside Jess beeped in a monotone continuously a few seconds after the nurse had came in. I bolted up to see what was happening only to catch a glimpse of the nurse running out of the room, shouting at the top of her voice for a doctor. I fell from the dizziness of standing up immediately after being in the same position for a long time. My legs felt weak beneath me, my arms like jelly flung out in all directions – desperate for something to hold onto to support myself, just to get up and figure out the situation at hand.

Soon I felt two people by my side, helping me to get up and escorting me out the room with ease while machines, doctors and nurses sped past me into the white room that holds someone so dear to me. She had helped me with my ups and downs, encouraging me to never give up when all seemed lost, treated me when I was numb from feeling too much emotional distress. Yet, I sit here, outside the room, unable to do anything for her in her time of need… I did the only thing I could…

"Hello?" Some scratchy voice answered after one too many rings.

"Wilkins?" I said urgently, needing someone to share the pain, even though it's not usually the thing to do, communicate with criminals outside working hours.

"Yes, what's up?" he panted it out, making it as though he was running a marathon and didn't tell me that he may have been late for our meeting.  
"It's… it's… it's Jess…" I said, running into the main hall to avoid listeners from inside the room. Considering her room was the only one occupied in her corridor, they didn't bother closing the door. We don't usually have a lot of patients in here but the doctors and nurses never slack off, fearing the sack if they do.

"What?" he seemed to say with as much power as he could muster, he shouldn't be that worried… yet, I'm the one that should be allowed to panic. Nevertheless, I tried to sound as strong as I could.

"Her life line went flat, doctors and nurses are currently doing what they can. None of them has come out the room except to get equipment so I don't know much more than that, sorry." Why am I so honorable and responsible when I'm so close to losing possibly the most important person in my life? Damn teachings from when I was a kid. Whoever told me I had to be so well mannered when Jess's life seemed to be dangling off a piece of string?

"WHAT?" he "shouted" into the phone from what I could figure. "Where are you? By her room? I'll be there in 5 minutes."

"Wait, you can't get in here…" he hanged off the phone before I could finish. "Without a pass from the FBI…" Looks like I'm going to have to clear him in for now, god knows how the office is going to make fun of me for doing it – inviting a criminal into our base. Simple fraternisation with the enemy. It's like taking advantage of a drunk woman… wait, he's probably done that before already.

Suddenly, I heard the doctors shouting for people to clear to the side of the corridor as they wheeled Jess's bed towards another part of the hospital and I ran after them, not wanting to let her out of my sight.

"Where are you taking her?" I caught one of the nurses by her shoulder and demanded an answer.

"The… the… ICU…" she looked scared by me and I adjusted myself and my facial expression.

"Thanks and sorry," I said to her, leaving her looking small in the empty corridor.

As soon as I arrived at where the intensive care unit was, a 'receptionist' spoke to me.

"I'm sorry sir, but you're not allowed in there for fear of contamination and/or possible diseases causing more hap hazard to the patient." She said looking at her nails, not even apologetic but bored. "If you like, I can have a doctor to inform you of her well being when they're not busy"

"That'd be mightily appreciated," I said to her and starting pacing about until the phone rung angrily in my jacket pocket.

"Get the hell out here, some security guard claims that I can't go in! Can't go in my…" I hanged up. I didn't need a phone to hear him shouting from the main hall and that was some distance from here.

Wilkins's arrival didn't need announcing, he broadcasted it as soon as he entered the hospital. How he even got in the building was surprising, I've got to find time to tell off the security for the lack of it.

"It's fine, he's with me," I told the security and flashed my badge even though I knew it wasn't required. I come here often enough in the last few weeks that every worker in here knew me off by heart – not that there was all that many of them to begin with. The guard stopped wrestling him and bowed apologetically to me – supposedly for assaulting my 'guest'. I ushered Wilkins towards the ICU and immediately he deflated, looking at an utter loss though not crying as Jess seemed to be alive.

"The seats are for sitting on you know," the receptionist told us, pointing her long slender fingers towards blue seats leaning against the wall. White and blue, whoever the interior decorator had, he/she couldn't have had much taste. I voiced this.

"Sir, this is a hospital, not a decorated over fashionable stage or whatever" was the reply I get for caring about the image of our medical centre. Not that there was all that much to it, we really could use a few paintings, plants and various medical articles or at least some medical poster of sort. The plain white walls make this place looks like an endless maze after a tiresome day.

We sat down simultaneously, me instantly nodding off from the tiredness that had built up in the last few days or even weeks and into my world of nightmares.

"Why are you so lazy?"

"Why are you so stupid?"

"You'll never amount to anything if you don't work hard!"

"Come on! Don't bring more shame than you already have to the Pracen name!"

"You'll never be an achiever!"

"You're a miserable failure!"

My mum gave me a dirty look as if I'm a worthless beggar from the streets in torn clothes with no shoes and a used cup from McDonalds. I had been brought up in a family of high standard, my brothers and sister were overachievers. Everybody had high hopes for me too, and in all honest truth, I do well at school too - all but the fact that I don't get full marks in tests nor study 24/7 like my siblings. However, mum misses out the fact that I am far more athletic than them.

"Grades are everything," she used to say to me when I turned 7 years old. "If you get good grades, you'll get a good job in the future, you'll get paid good money and drive good cars." The trouble is, kids at that age don't care much about the future, including me. For children, it's all about living the present and enjoying all they can before all exams from the future becomes a problem.

When I got my first report card, on the same day as my siblings, mum and dad compare the result of the young to how the eldest one did in the year they'd been the same age and see if they were equally talented little geniuses. I had been a complete disappointment to them. On one hand I had better average grade in physical education but MY parents doesn't even look at that. One look at my other subjects and they threw my report in the bin. When I picked it back up, mum snatched it out of my hands and said "You're right, it doesn't belong in the bin" and then threw it in the blazing fire lit in the fireplace. I watched for a second then immediately stuck out my hand to retrieve my report card. I had been proud of my grade. I threw it on the carpet and stamped out the fire, then carrying it I ran to the toilet and let the cold water ran over my aching burnt hand. Dad stood up but mum said "Leave it so he'll learn," and he sat down again. I had been unable to write for a week afterwards but mum never took compassion on me for it.

To be honest dad was never home, but I was his favourite child, all for the reason that I'm not a complete bore (he tells me in private of course) and that I inherited his genes for mischievous behaviour – at least for when I was a child. I knew the only reason that he sides with mum on report cards is because he wanted me to do well and be like a normal kid as well, or at least, I wanted to believe so. All we do for parental attention. Hell knows you can't be both a prodigy and have fun unless you were incredibly gifted. Which I was not.

I had cried myself to sleep silently that night, or so I thought until mum flip the switch effortlessly loud and a feeling of doom crept into me. She walked over like a lion preying on a small and hopeless animal, her gentle stride both intimidating and slow.

She slapped me hard on my left cheek.

The pain flared out in all directions and I winced. Slowly, I brought my left hand to my cheek and turned my head back to the centre. Unprepared for whatever was going to happen next. My eyes watered. I willed the tears not to fall but failed. Her hands reached towards her belt.

"No mum, please, no," I cried out. I knew she despised it, she had once told me that a real boy or man never cries.

She acted as though she never heard my pleading.

The more I cried, the longer she continued. My room was soundproof as it used to be a room for instrumental lessons and a practice room. No one but her heard my voice screaming that everlasting night.

I never did tell anybody. If my friends or teachers asked me how I'd gotten my bruises or burnt myself, I told them I was careless though I could see the doubt in most of their eyes. They never did question me further. By the time I was 10, she acted as though she never had me as a son but still hits me. Sometimes I figure she does it out of enjoyment, other times as a punch-bag for the small slip-ups in her and her overachievers' life. There was definitely no denying she enjoyed it every time.

Emotional and physical abuse built up over time, I had grown but I never did anything to stop her when I could. Is it so bad to wish for motherly love? I lived under her shadow, seemed only to be living to please her. I closed my mind and my heart, became quiet and quickly faded into the grey background. Until I saw the notice that they needed FBI trainees and I signed up for a getaway. The training procedure didn't change me much physically (because I had stamina and was able to bare hard training as well as pain) or emotionally. I had made a friend or two but to the outside world, I was just a dog of sort, a tag-along trailing lowly behind them.

I haven't contacted any of my family since then. Not for holidays, not for birthdays, not for Christmases, not for anything. They are a part of my life that I never wish I had. Every time I think about my childhood or when co-workers ask me about my parents, it's like they're slashing into unhealed wounds from well over a decade ago. It always makes it hard for me breathe and impossible to think. I think I eventually developed a phobia for my family. Not that it was my siblings' fault. It's just because the eldest child usually clears and paves the path for younger ones to tread on safely, but whilst they walked on untainted red carpets with their IQ and wit, I had to make my own way through the jungle of life.

I think my birth was a surprise to them all. I was usually ticked off as non-existent.

I crawled out of my protective shell of my life a little when I became an official agent but Jess was the key to completely opening my heart. She had been assigned to me due to my apparent ability to deal with 'lunatics' calmly, but Jess was never one to be catagorised in that group. She made me see the light in my life – something to live for when you think you don't see the purpose of yourself in life. Sure she was stubborn and had an occasional temperamental problem but I gradually started to love that attitude. Jess could unintentionally make me feel up when I'm down, happy when I'm sad inside, even when she doesn't know it.

One day, I told Jess everything under her incessant badgering.

She sympathised with me and asked me why the hell I put up with it all. To be honest I have no idea. After she's heard the end of my story, tears fell like the waterfall and I was shocked, unsure of what to do. She's never cried in front of me before. The first time I see her cry, and it's because of me. My heart began to close after being so close to shattering at such a sight before me, shamed that I had made a female cry for me until she puts her arms around me. She hugged me tightly, so tight I felt as though my blood wasn't reaching places it should but it was warm. Her embrace made everything ok again, made it easier to escape the pain and even heal it. I was no longer living that torturous past life. I leaned into her hold and sank into the feeling that somebody cared for me – for the first time in my life. As if she was trying to fill me in on all the love I missed out as a child.

"Oi! Pracen!" A voice boomed from above but I didn't want to let go of this feeling.

"Wake up, damn it, don't act dead," the voice continued and everything began to fade away. I look at Jess, she's moving further and further away.

"No!" I sat up, eyes wide open, awake and my hand reached forward. I wasn't on the chair any more but on a spare hospital bed. Wilkins must've had a hard time carrying me on his shoulder. Sweat beaded across his forehead and his muscles clenched with tension proved so. Was he worried? For me? Must've been my eyes playing up because it all disappeared seconds later.

"He has a temperature of 39 degrees Celsius, I'd recommend a lot bed rest – but it doesn't look like it's done him any good. Water and he'll need to stay overnight. If this keeps up or it continues to rise, it could fry his brain. I'll need to go get some medication" a nurse informed us and left.

"What's up man?" Wilkins asked solemnly. "You looked like you were struggling in your sleep not just that high temperature crap they're selling, and you kept murmuring, heavy nightmare?"

I couldn't say anything.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

Robert Wilkins looked absolutely bewildered.

I wasn't there in Jess's time of need.

I wasn't there for her…

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Reviews would yet again be appreciated and come on, you know you want to click on that button P 


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